How To Deal With A Nagging Wife.

Some tips for how to deal with a nagging wife.

1. Don't Get Married.

2. If you are married - get divorced.

  • (see number 1)

3. Say yes to everything.

"Don't leave your plates there!"
"Yes, dear"
"are you going to finally get that picture put up?"
"Yes, dear"
"we shouldn't have bought that picture should we?"
"yes dear"
"What would you do without me to tell you what to do."
"yes, dear"
"Why do I have to tell you to do everything?"
"yes, dear"

Just say yes. Saying yes, is the path of least resistance. However, be careful, some answers may actually require a no. For variety, you could throw in a "I completely agree" or "yes, your right". The important thing is you agree with the wife, never directly oppose her. For example, suppose she asks you to cut the lawn, but you don't want to. Just say yes. When she later asks you why you haven't done it, see: number 4, number 6 or number 2

4. Say sorry to everything.

"Why haven't you done x,y,z"
"sorry, dear"

You don't have to actually feel sorry, the important thing is to sound suitably apologetic and pathetic. This does not mean you are losing your dignity, far from it; think of it as very cleverly deflecting all the angst being directed into your corner. Through humility, you are creating harmony where there is frustration. A noble ideal, which will surely have its reward in due course.

5. Lavish Praise.

What a marvelous job you do in cleaning the house! I'm so lucky to have a wife who is so good at cleaning. What you are subtly saying is; why ask me to do it, when you do a much better job.

"Why can't you clean up those dishes,"

"but, you do a much better job than me, dear."

6. Do things so badly you will never be asked again.

Does your wife nag you to go and do the shopping? Well, why not go; but conveniently forget her list? Instead of buying sensible things, come back with intriguing selections of "gourmet" food, and 20 Ready meals (on special offer, with no need for washing up or cooking) If you do something sufficiently badly, you will not be asked again. This point is for the brave; it may require alot or reference to point number 4 (profuse apologies)

7. Presents.

Buy flowers to throw her off guard. You'll probably forget anniversaries and birthdays, so just buy in advance on some random day. "But, I can celebrate your birthday anyday."

8. Do a Basil Fawlty and have a Nervous Breakdown.

[1] (actually, it's this simple, but we need to think of another 600 words for an article)

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