Famous Last Sayings

"My Jesus, mercy" Al Capone


" The best is yet to come."
Frank Sinatra


"This is the last of Earth! I am content!"
John Quincy Adams (1767 - 1848)


"A tomb now suffices him for whom the world was not enough"
Alexander the Great


"Well this was fun, let's do it again sometime."
Quniaron Bellthing (1930-2004)


"Truth and History. 21 Men. The Boy Bandit King. He Died As He Lived. William H. Bonney 'Billy the Kid'"
Billy the Kid (unknown)


· "That's all, folks!"
Mel Blanc (the epitaph is the trademark line of cartoon character Porky Pig, whose voice was provided by Blanc for many years)


"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

Winston Churchill


"She did it the hard way"
Bette Davis


"Nothing's So Sacred As Honour And Nothing's So Loyal As Love"
Wyatt Earp


· "I had a lover's quarrel with the world"
Robert Frost


· "Cast a cold eye On life, on death. Horseman, pass by!"
W. B. Yeats


"Hey Ram" (Translated "Oh, God")
Mahatma Gandhi

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Ricky Gervais dancing in the Office - video



An immortal comedy clip of Ricky Gervais (David Brent) in the Office.

Ricky Gervais quotes

Ricky Gervais singing

Ricky Gervais Biography

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Ricky Gervais sings in the Office

Free Love on the Freelove Freeway





I just love the expressions of those people watching, especially the guy who is supposed to be giving a training session.

Did you know that Ricky Gervais once was the lead singer of a pop group Seona Dancing. They made 2 records, but they broke up after they failed to make the top 40.

(Bizarrely one song did very well in the Phillipines, a year later.

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Ricky Gervais Quotes

David (Series 1 Episode 1)

“When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer’s always the same, to me, they’re not mutually exclusive.”

David (Series 1 Episode 2)

“She said, 'I'm your biggest fan,' and I said, 'Who are you?' She said, 'Paris Hilton.'”

“Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and I'll shut up and go away.”


“People see me in the suit and they know I'm not fooling anyone, they know I'm rock and roll through and through.”

“Why by a book when you can join a library.”




“To be honest I think you’re mad to let me and Finchy on the bleedin telly. We’re like Morecambe and Wise when we’re together. No, not Morecambe and Wise, because there’s no straight man, there’s no dead wood. I’m more sort of character based, and he’s more of a gag man. I do gags as well.”

David (Series 1 Episode 3)

“I’ve created an atmosphere where I’m a friend first, boss second. Probably entertainer third.”

David (Series 1 Episode 1)

Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming!

Ricky Gervais Biography

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Best Cricket Videos: Fielding and Catching



Short video clips of fielding and catching moments. Including Jonty Rhodes, one of the greatest fielders of all time

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Video: Best Cricket Wickets



Bowled him!

some of the best cricket action. Some of the best bowlers including: Shane Warne, Malcom Marshall, Glen McGrath, Shoaib Aktar, Andy Flintoff, Darren Gough

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Video: Cricket Explained



The rules of Cricket explained for Americans.

Including description of fielding positions:

  • Silly mid off
  • gully
  • third man
  • silly mid wicket (it's called silly because you stand very close to the batsmen)
  • Fine Leg
  • Cover
  • Extra point

Still confused? Check out List of Cricket Terms

One of the great's of Cricket: Ian Botham

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Quotes of William Blake

Innate ideas are in every man, born with him; they are truly himself. The man who says that we have no innate ideas must be a fool and knave, having no conscience or innate science.

The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing that stands in the way. Some see Nature all ridicule and deformity, and some scarce see Nature at all. But to the eyes of the man of imagination, Nature is Imagination itself.

I sought my soul, But my soul I could not see. I sought my God, But my God eluded me. I sought my brother, And I found all three.

He who shall hurt the little wren Shall never be beloved by men.

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

(from poem: The Tyger)


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Quotes from 1984 - George Orwell



"The Party seeks power entirely for its own sake. ... We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means, it is an end. ..."

"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face--for ever"


"The very word 'war', therefore, has become misleading. It would probably be accurate to say that by becoming continuous war has ceased to exist. ... War is Peace."


"A few agents of the thought Police moved always among them, spreading false rumours and marking down and eliminating the few individuals who were judged capable of becoming dangerous..."
"But the proles, if only they could somehow become conscious of their own strength, would have no need to conspire. They needed only to rise up and shake themselves like a horse shaking off flies. If they chose they could blow the Party to pieces tomorrow morning. Surely sooner or later it must occur to them to do it? And yet -----!"

"In the long run, a hierarchical society was only possible on a basis of poverty and ignorance. ... Ignorance is Strength"

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Drawings of Beatrix Potter

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Beatrix Potter: Movie clip



Miss Potter: A film about the life of celebrated, children's artist Beatrix Potter is a very well done account of Victorian Romance. It is also shows how Beatrix Potter went from an obscure single lady to one of the world's best selling authors.

Beatrix Potter is played by Renée Zellweger and Ewan McGregor plays the book publisher she falls in love with.

View: Biography of Beatrix Potter

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John Lennon Imagine Video



Stand By Me





John Lennon Biography

  • John Lennon at Amazon.co.uk

  • John Lennonat Amazon.com

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    Sir Isaac Newton Video



    The success of Newton was partly due to the Oxbridge system, which allowed him to think on Physics for 20 years. Newton would love looking at problems and focusing on nothing else.

    Biography of Sir Isaac Newton

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    Who is Your Favourite Briton?

    Who would you choose to be the greatest Briton of all time?

    See: list of 100 Great British Heroes

    Is greatest synonymous with favourite?

    Many of those featured in the top 100 britons achieved great things, but often with serious defects. For example, Oliver Cromwell, founded a new constitution, but his intolerant brand of Calvinism, led to a fanatical religious intolerance.

    Of those chosen, the winner, Winston Churchill, is by far the most complex.

    He became the emblem and inspiration behind the fight against Hitler and the tyranny of Nazism. When western civilisation was threatened with the prospect of unspeakable tyranny and totalitarianism - Churchill stood defiant. For this alone, Churchill probably does deserve the award for Greatest Briton. It was, after all, the most important struggle of humanity in the present era.

    Yet, despite this Churchill held many views I could not agree with.

    • Set the army on striking miners (1910,1911, 1926)
    • Opposed independence for India.
    • He believed in the British Empire and the Right of Britain to rule over other countries
    • He held racist views, believing white civilisation superior
    • "I do not admit...that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America, or the black people of Australia...by the fact that a stronger race, a higher grade race...has come in and taken its place" - Churchill to Palestine Royal Commission, 1937.
    • Opposed universal suffrage for women
    • e.t.c
    My Choice for Greatest Briton would be William Blake.

    William Blake spoke passionately against the injustice of society and Empire. His heart identified with the suffering of others, and he expressed it in the most powerful way.

    But, Blake was not just a prophet against tyranny; Blake was a visionary who saw an underlying spirituality in the mundane world. In ordinary objects, the Seer in Blake, saw the hand of infinity and immortality.

    To see a world in a grain of sand,
    And a heaven in a wild flower,
    Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
    And eternity in an hour.
    From: Auguries of Innocence

    Who would object of William Blake's Jerusalem was made the National Anthem of Britain?

    God Save the Queen is turgid; Jerusalem is inspiring.

    Jerusalem

    And did those feet in ancient time
    Walk upon England's mountains green?
    And was the holy Lamb of God
    On England's pleasant pastures seen?

    And did the Countenance Divine
    Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
    And was Jerusalem builded here
    Among these dark Satanic mills?

    Bring me my bow of burning gold:
    Bring me my arrows of desire:
    Bring me my spear: O clouds unfold!
    Bring me my chariot of fire.

    I will not cease from mental fight,
    Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
    Till we have built Jerusalem
    In England's green and pleasant land.

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    Famous Dumb Quotes

    Quotes (mostly by politicians) showing a lack of common sense

    "We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
    -Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister


    "The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

    -Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst


    "Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."

    -Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel


    "I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."

    -George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign


    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

    -Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor


    The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.
    Dwight Eisenhower


    Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

    -- Sen. Chris Dodd (D, Conn.), on the Don Imus show, on campaigning
    "The Stupidist Things Ever Said By Politicians" - by Ross and Kathryn Petras


    If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.

    -- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.
    "The Stupidist Things Ever Said By Politicians" - by Ross and Kathryn Petras



    You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us.

    -- Bob Dole
    "The Stupidist Things Ever Said By Politicians" - by Ross and Kathryn Petras



    I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity.
    -- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House
    "The Stupidist Things Ever Said By Politicians" - by Ross and Kathryn Petras


    Dan Quayle Quotes
    (extending his hand during a campaign stop): I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?

    Woman: I'm your Secret Service agent.


    "If I would do another 'Terminator' movie I would have Terminator travel back in time and tell Arnold not to have a special election." --California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, after all four of his ballot initiatives were roundly defeated in the special election he called, Nov. 10, 2005


    "Get some devastation in the back." --Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, to a staff photographer as he posed for a photo op while visiting tsunami-ravaged Sri Lanka, Jan. 6, 2005 (Source)

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    Funny Dumb Quotes

    "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
    David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.


    "He didn't say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech."
    Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President Bush wasn't following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands.


    "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
    Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.


    "Please provide the date of your death."
    -from an IRS letter



    "A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
    -Samuel Goldwyn

    Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"


    "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."


    As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert


    "We apologize for the error in last week's paper
    in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."

    -Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper


    "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

    -Batman costume warning label

    "The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
    -Gerry Brown


    "I was provided with addtional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
    -Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony


    "We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."

    -Parish Magazine

    Source for some of quotes

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    Les Dawson - Blankety Blank




    Before quiz games like "Who wants to be a millionaire" there used to be really great quiz shows like "Blankety Blank" with the most awful prizes; the kind of prizes you would get at a church tombola. Les Dawson was magnificent with his deadpan wit. He used to love being as sarcastic as possible:

    "this is the only quiz show I know that gets Fire damaged prizes"

    "You are not going away empty handed, you have a map of Penrith!"

    - Les Dawson

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    How to Get 0% or a Test - True of false

    A class was give a Test. The answers were True (A) of False (B)

    One student choose C for every answer, managing to get 0/100.


    His professor sent him an e-mail the following day:

    Dear Michael,

    Every year I attempt to boost my students' final grades by giving them     this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.

    There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It's as if you didn't look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!

    May God have mercy on your soul.

    Sincerely,
    Professor William Turner

    P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
    B is the new C

    From: College Humour
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    Catherine Tate and David Tenant for Comic Relief



    Verry funny

    "Amst I bovered, forsooth?"

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    Catherine Tate Quotes

    "AM I bovered? Do I look bovered?"

    "Are you disrespecting me and my family?"


    "I love astrologer Jonathan Cainer. I ring his phone line twice a week and he's always spot on with me and three million other Taureans. But I know it's MY soul he's looking into."

    Catherine Tate

    "If people don't know who you are, the show hasn't worked very well - but it's not like I'm bombarded with people shouting bovvered at me."

    Catherine Tate

    "If you're writing a catchphrase before you write a character, then that's not a good thing."

    Catherine Tate

    "The thing with catchphrases is that you can't make people say them, It's the audience that keeps catchphrases alive."

    Catherine Tate

    "People do tend to be a bit wary when I'm around in case I take them off, but I'd never do it."

    Catherine Tate

    Quotes from Catherine Tate Show

    Various Characters:" Are you a farmer miss? You a farmer miss? You old McDonald miss? You old McDonald, innit."

    Teacher: No, Lauren you know very well I am not a farmer, now enough of this.

    Various Characters: Well, I'm not being funny or nuffink, miss, but you do smell like a farmer.


    (homosexual in denial): Who dear? Me dear? Gay dear? No, dear!

    "Are ya calling me a pikey?" "Are ya calling me dad poor?" "Are ya disrespecting me family?"


    Man: You are a disgrace to your profession.

    Estate Agent: What are you talking about I'm an estate agent.

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    The Miracle of Belfast - Paisley and McGuiness Work Together


    Paisley and McGuiness start new Era

    "Ian Paisley, the Democratic Unionist party leader who spent decades denouncing republicans, and Martin McGuinness, a former IRA commander, joined together yesterday to assume office as first and deputy first ministers at the head of a new power-sharing government."

    Ian Paisley made a career out of building an uncompromising stance of "NO Surrender"

    Even when the IRA called a ceasefire and started working towards peaceful negotiations, Paisley and his DUP seemed to hold irreconcilable differences. Yet yesterday May 8th former enemies joined together to begin a new era in Northern Ireland.

    John Hume tells a story of the occasion when he said to Ian Paisley, "Ian, if the word 'no' were to be removed from the English language, you'd be speechless, wouldn't you!" Paisley replied, "No, I wouldn't!"


    Pic from: Guardian
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    Buy Milk online from Amazon

    You can now buy Milk online at Amazon.com

    From Product Reviews at Amazon

    The Book of Lactose

    "...And Saint Gristedes raised his glass up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy empty glass that with it Thou mayest nourish Thine self with Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the angles did sing. The Lord spake, saying, "Gristedes, thou shalt receive Thy nectar of Thy grace. The blessed Tuscan Whole Milk!" And Saint Gristedes did gaze upon the light and say, "Oh Lord, how mayest Thy nourish Thine self with such?" And the Lord spake again, saying, "First shalt thou remove the Holy Safety Seal and Holy cap, then shalt hold to Thine mouth. The mouth be the place Thou shalt place the Tuscan Whole Milk, and the place shall be the mouth. Only the mouth shalt be the place, and the place shalt only be the mouth. Once Thou mouth has graced, drink thou thy Tuscan Whole Milk and be nourished, in my sight, with my blessing, forever and ever, till the cows come home." Amen. "
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    Women and Cars - Do they Go Together?



    Parking spaces - How they should be designed...



    What Kind of Car would you Like?


    What to do if the Car Breaks Down


    How Fast does this Car Go?


    Spot the Mistake with this Helmet?


    (Its on the wrong way the women is looking out of the bottom of the helmet)


    But Women would Improve Ten Pin Bowling...




    More comedy videos


    Source for some of pics:

    World's Worst Women Drivers

    Forwarded to Me
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    Funny Excuses from Parents

    These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.

    1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

    2 Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.

    3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being ****absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

    4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.**

    5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

    6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

    7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

    8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

    9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

    10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

    11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre… dyrea …. direathe… the shits. **

    12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

    13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

    14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

    15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.

    16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

    17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

    18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

    19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.He had a cold and could not breed well.

    20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

    21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

    22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

    23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because shehad a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sisterwas also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

    Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

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    Survival Tips for Life

    The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. - Gossip is also one of the commonest practices of man.

    You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. - More light in the day?

    You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

    There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

    The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

    A person who is nice to you, but rude to a shop assistant, is not a nice person. Watch a Touch of Class episode - Fawlty Towers.

    The Arc was built by 1 amateur. The Titanic was built by a team of professionals.
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    Boris Grebenshikov Concert

    There is a unique opportunity to see a free concert, at the Royal Albert Hall, with Boris Grebenshikov and his band Aquarium. Boris Grebenshikov is one of the leading Russian musicians. His career has spanned over 20 years, and he has been likened to both Bob Marley and the Beatles.

    For more details on the concert on 21st May 2007, visit: Grebenshikov Concert
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