P.G.Wodehouse Quotes

"There are some things a chappie's mind absolutely refuses to picture, and Aunt Julia singing 'Rumpty-tiddley-umpty-ay' is one of them."

The Man with Two Left Feet (1917)

"He wore the unmistakable look of a man about to be present at a row between women, and only a wet cat in a strange backyard bears itself with less jauntiness than a man faced by such a prospect."

Piccadilly Jim (1918)

"And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need."

-The Adventures of Sally (1922)

"He was not a man who prattled readily, especially in a foreign tongue. He gave the impression that each word was excavated from his interior by some up-to-date process of mining."
The Clicking Of Cuthbert (1922)

"As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that."

"It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought."

"I turned to Aunt Agatha, whose demeanour was now rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back."

" Jeeves lugged my purple socks out of the drawer as if he were a vegetarian fishing a caterpillar out of his salad."
  • The Inimitable Jeeves (1923)
"The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say `When!'"

" My Aunt Dahlia has a carrying voice... If all other sources of income failed, she could make a good living calling the cattle home across the Sands of Dee.:

"She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing armchairs tight about the hips that season."

"Unseen, in the background, Fate was quietly slipping the lead into the boxing-glove."
  • Very Good, Jeeves (1930)
"I don't want to seem always to be criticizing your methods of voice production, Jeeves," I said, "but I must inform you that that 'Well, sir' of yours is in many respects fully as unpleasant as your 'Indeed, sir?' Like the latter, it seems to be tinged with a definite scepticism. It suggests a lack of faith in my vision. The impression I retain after hearing you shoot it at me a couple of times is that you consider me to be talking through the back of my neck, and that only a feudal sense of what is fitting restrains you from substituting for it the words 'Says you!'"

Right Ho, Jeeves (1934)

"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine"
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