Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson, writer and TV Presenter, including the popular TV show - Top Gear

"The engine sounds like Victorian plumbing — it looks like Victorian plumbing as well, to be honest."

"He genuinely looked terrified. The poor man, he's actually seen the books. In England we have this one-eyed Scottish idiot."

"Then there’s the styling. Or rather, there isn’t. Any attempt to give these cars a tapering roofline or a curved rear end is wasteful of precious capacity, which means all of them look exactly – and I mean exactly – like chest freezers. And because they have such tiny wheels they actually look like chest freezers on casters. And that in turn means they look absurd." - Sunday Times June 8, 2008, reviewing the Nissan GT-R [3]

"Like many men, I can never find anything that I’m looking for, even when I’m actually looking at it. In a fridge, I think milk is actually invisible to the male eye. And so, it turns out, are dirty great holes in the fence."

"I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit."

"Now we've been told in this new series, we've got to feature more green cars. So here's one. It's really the greenest car we could find, really. "(A bright green Lamborghini Murcielago)

"Now we get quite a few complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show, so we're kicking off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all. " (a Ferrari F430)

"A turbo, exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, with a supercharger, air goes in,witchcraft happens and you go faster."

"This is the latest S Class. Now available with a very economical: Twin-turbo, Six litre... I don't mean economical do I? That's the wrong word..."

"I do apologise, we have wasted your evening, there are no good Korean or Malaysian cars."

"You know? That's the nineteenth caravan we've destroyed on this programme in 12 months."

"At this point the Germans are probably rolling around on the floor laughing, So: "Ze tommies have made ein car out of spit und kleenex, zhey will be crushed." (Testing the MG SV prototype)

[Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

“What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?"

“Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

“Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

“I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

Biography Jeremy Clarkson
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